she was so not down for the gang bang
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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