Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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