Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
