dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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