Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's never too late to be topless.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
