ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
not ubering you a puppy
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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