Kiss
Puke
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
