dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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