i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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