Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
