Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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