She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
