the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
