So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
