There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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