I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
