Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
