Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
