And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
