summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
