Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
