thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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