I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
