the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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