i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
