I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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