...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
