I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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