Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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