oh god the rape fog is back!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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