i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You may now shotgun with the bride
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
