I need help removing her.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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