he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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