Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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