If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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