Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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