How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
