I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
