oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Randomize
