Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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