so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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