Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
