It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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