So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
