i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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