Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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