You work out of a Hotel?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
