OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
