I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
