my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
