they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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