That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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