What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
