I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
