Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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