i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
