i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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