Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
