does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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