The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
