She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
