You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He called his prostate his "boner button".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
