so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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