i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
