It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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