Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She needs sedatives and a leash
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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