i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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