Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
