You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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