So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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