he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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